|Hello again my live journal. i will bring you out of the darkness.
||[Jan. 26th, 2010|06:18 pm]
If anyone is even reading... please disregard any entry before this one... as it has been 4 years since i posted anything here... obviously time has managed to change my once closed minded way of thinking..
what have i been doing the last four years? well.. I fucked around in esco till i was 20. hot boxing cars and listening to the beatles. got my ass legalized to buy weed. oh the wise choices i make in life. as long as im happy, right? anyhow... once i realized esco had nothing to offer me. I packed my shit up and me and noodle left straight for san francisco. where i resided till i was 22. I can still see the colors wrapping around each victorian style home. and I can still smell the feet, ass, breathe and hair of every dirty bum and hippy I made friends with on Haight street. I met a group of people that made my soul sparkle with love and positive vibes! the wind cried mary. austin miller. brianna. janina. I became a hippy myself. hallucinating on the smoke from nag champa. acid days and shroomy night. treasure island always made my trip feel i was a warrior on the edge of time. at any moment the water would rise up and take my trip to the bottom of the bay.. Those 2 years molded my brain into some sort of putty. that had been streched and pulled to its max. and then globbed up again into the shape of my brain. booze booze and more booze. faces coming and going. morphing and blending together. i spent 2 years on the same psychedelic street corner. Haight and ashbury. hippy hill. the acid we ate on hippy hill made way for a night out of the twilight zone. and when bri and i ate mushroom chocolates that day.. we had not a care in the world of what anyone thought of us running freely through golden gate park and climbing trees rather clumsily.
long nights at recycled records left me with memories of every obscure band i could even imagine. mike boul took my taste in music to such a level i am so thankful for. had it not been for him i would have never discoverd some of that music till i was far into my 30's im sure. my heart was bursting with love for almost 2 years. after i met all of you. you know how love hurts.. well. it did.
and being denied what you would want more than anything in the world.. doesnt always go over very well.. at least not for me. I know now that everything happens for a reason.. and you will never be given more than you can handle.
so through all the THC . . . ...every eigth of hash i smoked. i felt the love of that city running through my veins everyday. i still feel like i will end my life there.. but who knows.
now i am living on Guam. yes. Guam. i have been here for almost 6 months. it has been a trip for sure. a learning expirence. i know why i left the city.. i know deep down why i got on that plane by myself. and said goodbye to everything i thought i loved.. i do still love. but i want to spread my love where ever i can. and since the job i scored offerd a free flight. guam was/is the place! and what have i been up to? the same shit i was doing in sf. tripping out and tripping in. trying to show that all i have is love for each and every one of you.
only half the people i work with make me want to choke them to death. but this is of course the yin and yang of life. and of you really think about it.. there is no good and bad. there only is. what is. and if you have any fear of love.. you will never make it out alive.. but then again none of us will.