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[ website | "Crystal display... Can't turn it off..." ]
[ userinfo | livejournal userinfo ]
[ archive | journal archive ]

these recent days [Jan. 29th, 2010|09:25 pm]
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[Current Mood |thankfulthankful]

...have felt like a dream ive had continuously had since i was young. my tiny existence in comparison to the universe makes me feel i need not worry about achieving the same cookie cutter life that most strive for. my only fear is that i might pass you by. that your physical presence will never be again.. maybe i think to much at times... or you might not think enough. either way.. what ever happens in the present i can only hope will feel my mind with fond memories of your eyes. if you deny the waves of love i am sending to your core.. then you will. and still i will continue to love you.

where ever i end up in the near future.. i know i will think about you every day .. i will look back on the most beautiful moments. the sound of your laugh when you totally lose control and feel joy.

and when you said you weren't worth it.. i could have shouted right in your face! "HOW COULD YOU EVEN THINK THAT" I think you know you are worth it.

random thoughts constantly fill my head..

but when i finally felt you let me in. my spirit exploded with assurance and bliss that you would not deny me forever.

cast fear aside.. act as though it doesn't exsist. this is easier said than done. but if you are able. then you will end up right where you need to be. and i hope that will be at my door step.
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Hello again my live journal. i will bring you out of the darkness. [Jan. 26th, 2010|06:18 pm]
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[Current Mood |curiouscurious]
[Current Music |pinback]

If anyone is even reading... please disregard any entry before this one... as it has been 4 years since i posted anything here... obviously time has managed to change my once closed minded way of thinking..

what have i been doing the last four years? well.. I fucked around in esco till i was 20. hot boxing cars and listening to the beatles. got my ass legalized to buy weed. oh the wise choices i make in life. as long as im happy, right? anyhow... once i realized esco had nothing to offer me. I packed my shit up and me and noodle left straight for san francisco. where i resided till i was 22. I can still see the colors wrapping around each victorian style home. and I can still smell the feet, ass, breathe and hair of every dirty bum and hippy I made friends with on Haight street. I met a group of people that made my soul sparkle with love and positive vibes! the wind cried mary. austin miller. brianna. janina. I became a hippy myself. hallucinating on the smoke from nag champa. acid days and shroomy night. treasure island always made my trip feel i was a warrior on the edge of time. at any moment the water would rise up and take my trip to the bottom of the bay.. Those 2 years molded my brain into some sort of putty. that had been streched and pulled to its max. and then globbed up again into the shape of my brain. booze booze and more booze. faces coming and going. morphing and blending together. i spent 2 years on the same psychedelic street corner. Haight and ashbury. hippy hill. the acid we ate on hippy hill made way for a night out of the twilight zone. and when bri and i ate mushroom chocolates that day.. we had not a care in the world of what anyone thought of us running freely through golden gate park and climbing trees rather clumsily.

long nights at recycled records left me with memories of every obscure band i could even imagine. mike boul took my taste in music to such a level i am so thankful for. had it not been for him i would have never discoverd some of that music till i was far into my 30's im sure. my heart was bursting with love for almost 2 years. after i met all of you. you know how love hurts.. well. it did.

and being denied what you would want more than anything in the world.. doesnt always go over very well.. at least not for me. I know now that everything happens for a reason.. and you will never be given more than you can handle.

so through all the THC . . . ...every eigth of hash i smoked. i felt the love of that city running through my veins everyday. i still feel like i will end my life there.. but who knows.

now i am living on Guam. yes. Guam. i have been here for almost 6 months. it has been a trip for sure. a learning expirence. i know why i left the city.. i know deep down why i got on that plane by myself. and said goodbye to everything i thought i loved.. i do still love. but i want to spread my love where ever i can. and since the job i scored offerd a free flight. guam was/is the place! and what have i been up to? the same shit i was doing in sf. tripping out and tripping in. trying to show that all i have is love for each and every one of you.

only half the people i work with make me want to choke them to death. but this is of course the yin and yang of life. and of you really think about it.. there is no good and bad. there only is. what is. and if you have any fear of love.. you will never make it out alive.. but then again none of us will.
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i smoked with ryan snow... and it wasnt a cigarette im talking about here. :D [Jun. 2nd, 2006|01:19 am]
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[Current Mood |highhigh]
[Current Music |legalize it? ... dare i say i enjoy reggae music?]

where have i been? what have i been doing that i couldn't get away for just a little bit to update my livejournal?

well... im not gonna lie... i probably havent been spending my time to wisely... but i have learned so much i couldnt even begin to tell you.
ill just end it there with my sud-oh high talk. :D
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ohh jeeeeeze! [Dec. 24th, 2005|01:10 am]
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[Current Mood |blankblank]
[Current Music |...]

so christmas doesn't really exist anymore does it?

i haven't been sleeping to good lately... been having a lot of nightmares..

bah.. whatever

-
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update? [Dec. 19th, 2005|10:53 pm]
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why bother?

-me
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2000 toyota camry [Oct. 24th, 2005|05:15 pm]
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[Current Mood |accomplishedaccomplished]
[Current Music |kings of convinence]

im alive.
i live on 13th ave.
i bought a car 2 days ago.
im broke from doing so.
im going to school in the spring.

thats really about it.
\\\\\\\

oh...
ryan snow is coming to town tonight.
;)

-ashley
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(no subject) [Aug. 11th, 2005|07:18 pm]
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[Current Mood |busybusy]
[Current Music |neutral milk hotel]

3 jobs? oh my!

- Starbucks.
- busing tables at The Potatoe Shack
- Holiday Inn (~ring ring~ "Front Desk!")

im going to kill myself with exaushtion!
but at least i will have some money.

:D
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(no subject) [Jul. 18th, 2005|09:16 pm]
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[Current Mood |contentcontent]
[Current Music |still ben folds HA]

financial aid? through starbucks? O my gawd! life in the form of a non profit fund raiser called the CUP fund.

to bad it cant solve all my problems.

dnkjangr
o joy.
i need some sex.
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(no subject) [Jul. 15th, 2005|01:06 pm]
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[Current Mood |chipperchipper]
[Current Music |ben folds]

im alive and well. homeless... but alive and well.

i love bup! :P
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OMG YES!!! [Jun. 6th, 2005|07:46 am]
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[Current Mood |exhaustedexhausted]
[Current Music |klskfmp;dsp[wes]

most eventful fucking weekend of my life!!

-closed friday.
-tilly and the wall only not.
-sold the fuck out!
-fun with moses and alan
-fasion valley
-old navy bitch!
-Target Bitch!
-GYM MEMBERSHIP!!!! WOO HOOO! and my starter fees or whatever were waved because i work at STARBUCKS!!! :D
-College group!
-hugs...
-Went to see crash. and i just loved it... ludacris is totally a good actor! HAHAHAA?@!R$"?WDE#!

im done now. with that at least.

CANT WAIT TO FIND OUT ABOUT THOMAS EDISON! NERVIOUS AND WORRIED... BUT EXCITED!

-ash

fuck yea for my bad ass gym membership! 24-fucking-hour fit fucking ness!

:D

and who do you think you are montreal???????????
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